This post is explicitly not: 1) an attempt to bridge or unify beliefs, 2) apologetic for my own beliefs, or 3) a polemic against the belief of others. Instead, this just reveals or announces that our family has been on a multi-decade path of pluralism, and we tend to focus on results instead of beliefs. People can argue points of faith, and our beliefs are what change us, but to bridge large differences in beliefs, you must give up trying to make things agree or harmonize. You could also choose to associate only with people with whom you agree, but as long as the ‘fruit’ in their life is good, everyone is your neighbor.
Story
Growing up in the Bible Belt of Southeastern United States, I’ve seen the disappointment and hurt of close family over small points of faith, and I’ve seen the wasted energy of legalism that drives the next generation into wasteful, pointless rebellion. Everyone loses when you place rightness over relationships.
When my wife and I met, she had already converted to Christianity, but her family (now my family) is a combination of Buddhism, Taoism, and Confucianism. There are no idols in Buddhism, Taoism has lots of them. Buddhism is Hinduism v2.0 in a sense — a reform response to the many idols present in Hinduism. Ancestor Worship comes from Confucianism. All three are fundamentally more philosophies than religion in that they are beliefs about how the world is put together rather than a belief in god or gods, but the execution of it ends up looking like religion. The temples are shared spaces for all three. It’s easy for someone from the West to observe the countless temples, the stories, the characters, and become confused. The West sees contradictions and splits. The East happily absorbs the inherent conflicts under the same roof.
Christians may see Buddhism as ultimately losing yourself to the nothingness and thereby losing your personality and essentially becoming a non-person, but that isn’t my experience. The monks certainly have quiet intensity, but there is no doubt that there is personality there, and certainly, there is an abundance of personality within the greater population. Likewise, non-Christians see Christians as displacing their personality with that of Christ, and particular for women, submitting themselves to their husbands and losing themselves to their husband’s agenda. Anyone care to defend the idea that all the Christians you know are somehow lacking in personality? Bueller? Bueller? Anyone?
A little under half of my family in Malaysia converted to Christianity, but I had no part in that. My Mother (the West would say Mother-in-law here, but the East would be offended if I said that) would put four oranges on a plate and place it on the altar for a day. Then, she’d bring it down for people to eat. I had no problem eating these oranges, but it gave my Brother a problem because it has been offered. So, I talk about Peter and eating Pork. Perhaps, it is good that he doesn’t eat the oranges, but for me, they are just oranges. Funny how the same arguments resurface.
She was such a small person, and seemed even smaller in comparison to me. We looked silly together. As time passed, she needed someone to steady her, I needed to hold her arm, but I don’t think she ever acclimated to it. But, she reminded me greatly of my Grandmother in Tennessee — the same disposition, that quiet strength you cannot assail and that overcomes everything. Two women on different ends of the earth, different beliefs, and yet so similar.
Likewise, in Seattle (which is one of the most unchurched areas of the United States), we’ve made friends who are committed and not-so-committed Catholics and Mormons. There’s little point in focusing on the difference of Immaculate Conception when two families have shared values in the same way there is little point focusing on religion as a precursor for deliverables within the workplace. People are free to choose what they will believe. It is not my job to withdraw my friendship if we disagree.
Within the workplace, with our friends in the Northwest, and within our marriage, and with our extended family, the distance is too great to harmonize and unify. We have had to pluralize.
Punchline
Within the workplace, people basically just need to behave ethically, do what they say they are going to do, and work towards the group goals.
The bars for sharing a life is necessarily higher. A good first cut is the question: Would the world be a better place (for you and the group) if everyone believed the way you do? There are belief systems that do not meet this bar.
But otherwise, the reality of someone with different beliefs is different than how you might imagine it.
